I hate the weekend when I’m on break. Saturday and Sunday ruin my TV groove. Channels play marathons all-day, everyday Monday through Friday. If I can’t watch five to six episodes in a row, I’m not investing my time.
CSI, I Shouldn’t Be Alive, Ghost Whisperer, NCIS, Law and Order:SVU. I’ve watched at least one marathon of each over the past week and a half. My favorite marathon, though, was the Lock Up one on New Year’s Day. Yes, that’s right, I watched at least 7 episodes in a row of prisoners and they’re sad predicaments. I’ve come to a few conclusions as a result:
1. I could never survive in jail. NEVER. I just wouldn’t trade a honey bun (literally, a honey bun snack cake) for an enema made of shampoo and water delivered from a used water bottle. Literally.
Though, if I landed myself in prison, I have a few tricks up my sleeve to make it appear as though I was not a lilly pulitzer-clad, pearl earring-wearing, kate spade-loving sorority sister.
2. Tattoo your eyeballs and no one will mess with you. And I mean literally no one. Well, maybe not the prison guards, but the other inmates. Freaky colored whites-of-your-eyes get you a lot of street cred, mostly because it means you stuck an unhygenic needle into your eyeball.
3. Go a jail that lets you adopt kittens. They’re super cute and give you a mental escape from the hell you’re in. Plus, if you have a reason to stay out of solitary confinement, you won’t be a bad inmate! Not that I would be, but sometimes you just cant help but expose yourself to the lady guards.
4. Get sent to prison in Europe. I watched an episode of Lock Up: Abroad. The jails over there are awesome! Some of them have olympic size pools or peacocks roaming the ground. One that I saw even let you leave for the weekend! That’d be so sweet. Its like having a job, except you don’t actually have to do anything productive and you don’t make any money. But you can go home and do whatever you please on the weekend (expect watch marathons, obviously).
5. Do something REALLY bad. I mean, if you’re going to jail for something, it might as well be something with a good story. I’ve seen so many prisoners who embezzled like $2,000 dollars or stole their ex-wife’s credit card and got something like 15 or 20 years. And then there’s the people who kill their entire familys and get 20 years. What is up with that, justice system? So, if I’m going to jail, I’m going for something big, like blowing up a car or poisoning a bunch of people. (not that I would do that :D)
I’m sure I’ve gained more knowledge than that, but I think I’d need another marathon to refresh.