I drink a lot of water. I mean, a lot of water. Usually 3 full water bottles and whatever I drink at meals. Which is usually at least a glass. All of this water means I pee a lot too. The other night, after I had gotten up from my bed to pee, I came back and started chatting with my roommate about how many times a day I have to go to the bathroom.
I started counting. Once when I got up in the morning. Once after my first class. Again in the library. Again in the library. After lunch. Twice at home. Before dinner. After dinner. Three more times in the library. Twice before bed. FOURTEEN times. That is actually ridiculous.
But, finding a bathroom on a college campus isn’t very hard. Sometimes I cut it a little close and have to run to the nearest building or literally drop my bad in the door of our house and run to the first floor bathroom. One time, I saw a girl go into the bathroom as I swiped into the door and literally yelled NO NO NO until she got it and let me have the bathroom first.
Finding a bathroom in public is a lot harder. When I was home last weekend, I couldn’t find anywhere to go. And it became urgent quickly. I had to run into Panera and leave my mom to order so I could use the bathroom. If there had been a line, I totally would have peed my pants.
And there are always those places that don’t even have bathrooms. Before we were in Panera, my mom and I had been in P.C. Richard and Sons (they were having a parking lot sale of refrigerators and washing machines. we made fun of them for at least 10 minutes, because really, who has PARKING LOT sales?) P.C. Richard may have believed in parking lot sales, but definitely not public bathrooms. That’s why I had to run into Panera.
I have actually peed my pants before. Completely sober. It was back when I went to school in Florida and worked at IHOP. Yup, IHOP. I have so many stories from that place… but back to this story. I had to pee when I left work, but we had already cleaned it and I didn’t feel like going in. So instead, I drove home and held it. Except the drive was 5 minutes and the walk from the parking garage to the dorms was 10. So by the time I swiped into my hall and unlocked my door, I REALLY had to go. There was one more obstacle though: my pants. The top button had broken weeks before but I chose to keep wearing them. So I had to undo the inside clipy thing to get the pants to come off. And I just couldn’t do it.
That’s right: I was in my bathroom, inches from the toilet, and I peed my pants. I just couldn’t hold it anymore. So I let it go. My pants were soaking. There was a puddle on the tile floor. I stood there for a few minutes, having no idea what to do. Then I had to emerge from the bathroom and somehow explain to my roommate what happened to my pants and why I had a towel wrapped around me.
I think I cried a little bit. It was traumatizing. I made my roommate promise to never tell anyone. But here I am, telling everyone. Because its three years later, and its still so funny.