As Seen on TV

I’m a sucker for infomercials. When I was younger and never slept past 9 a.m. I would flip the TV on watch the “paid programming” channels. I had the Magic Bullet on my Christmas list for at least 5 years. I tried to convince my mom that I needed the AbRocket for my birthday. If we didn’t already own two EZ chops, I would have wanted that too.

I fall for marketing every time. Hook, line and sinker. I just love watching how much a product can do for me. They all make life so much easier! Even if I didn’t find something particularly hard before, after watching the commercial, I understand just how difficult things like cracking eggs and boiling pasta water really are. (yes, they have a device to crack eggs with just a little squeeze. using the side of a bowl is pretty  hard)

To this day, I still watch infomercials. If they’re on when I’m at the gym, I always find a treadmill right in front of the TV playing it. While I run, I watch that lovely tubby woman with red hair make delicious treats in the Xpress Readi Set GO! You know that one, its red and has wells in it to put food in. It cooks from both sides! It cuts cooking time in half. And get this, it eliminated fat. All the nasty heart-clogging fat melts away. Xpress sounds like the ultimate cooking, device no?

Here she is, the woman herself:

I finally got the Magic Bullet for Christmas when I was in college. Do I ever use it? Absolutely not. It sits in the basement collecting dust. But I know that if I ever want to whip up a delicious smoothie or the perfect guacamole, I could.

Every time I talk about the Wave, no one ever knows what I’m talking about.  But I saw it, and I bought it. And I do it. I love the Wave. I think its hysterical and well-worth my hundred dollars. I got three DVDs and the actual Wave for that great price! There’s literally no way I could have turned the deal down. And if I had really wanted, I could have just made three easy payments to lighten my financial burden.

I also own WonderHangers, which I guess are being called HangerCascader now. I like the former name much  better. But thats besides the point. I have about 100 WonderHangers. This is because my uncle, who understand my closet to clothes ratio isn’t very good, ordered them for me. I ordered them both online and over the phone. He actually ordered them online twice. by accident. He thought the page didn’t go through and so refreshed it, getting him another set. And when he though it didn’t work again, he called the place and ordered more. Hence my hanger overload.

I gotta say, there really is wonder in these hangers. I fit so much more in my closet, its a mini miracle!

Two infomercials that I reallyyy enjoy are for two very different things. The first is for the TiddyBear. I suppose the name is supposed to be a play on the term “teddy bear” but really, it just sounds like its about boobs. Especially when the bear goes over your seatbelt and rests on your chest.  Here it is:

And the snuggie, while not a real infomercial (its really just a glorified commercial), will always be a classic. I own one in bright blue. Sometimes I like to wear it like a wizard. Sometimes I like to make sure I can still access the TV remote while I’m wearing it. Mostly, though, I wear it for shits and giggles because the concept is actually just ridiculous.

On a VERY different note, I write my my school newspaper. I wrote a lovely column on Thursday and now the entire campus (well, just the feminists) is in an uproar. Check it out:

And the facebook group created to oppose me:

The kicker on the FB group is that I joined it yesterday. But today, they kicked me out and made it impossible for me to rejoin or even SEARCH it. I’m rather impressed with myself that I’ve started such campus drama.


One response to “As Seen on TV

  1. Two things:

    1. Your magic bullet is NOT in the basement collecting dust. It’s in my kitchen, collecting dust. We did use it once, but it didn’t exactly blend ice like we thought it would. BUT if I ever want to make guacamole I might consider whipping it out again.

    2. I also got kicked out of the facebook group for commenting that “I actually kinda liked the article…” because, yes, I, too, already have my bridesmaid’s dresses picked out and when thinking about them I consider who will be wearing them and want the color to be flattering and I will NOT have a cupcake tower but I probably will have stuff-a-bear for party favors. Or shot glasses. Same vein.

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