Transitions are key

I have recently seen, what I would consider too many, people wearing Transitions lenses. If you’re unfamiliar with this atrocity, they are eyeglass lenses that become darker like sunglasses when exposed to sunlight and then return to clear when indoors or away from the sun. In theory, they sound very smart, very eye-healthy. In reality though, they just look dumb.

I knew an 8-year-old girl who had Transitions lenses. She was chubby, a little hairy, and had a truly bad attitude. Her heinous glasses did not make me think anymore fondly upon her. She would come inside with her dark lenses and stumble around the well-lit room trying to find her tennis racket or her cleats or something equally odd to look at on a fat, fuzzy little girl because the tint just wouldn’t fade under the florescent glow of the overhead lights. She looked just dumb.

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t THAT bad, but you get the picture. Transitions lenses are like always wearing ugly sunglasses. ALWAYS. Because they don’t transition like they say. They’re constantly in a state of limbo between sunglasses and spectacles: an odd transparent shit color.

I saw a senior portrait of a girl who wore here Transitions lenses for the shoot. First of all, I don’t know a single high school girl that wants to be remembered by her glasses. She wants to be remembered by her colored contacts, $100 highlights, and coach bag with matching wristlet (perhaps this says something about where I’m from). And secondly, as I’ve pointed out, Transitions lenses struggle with the transition part. So, this high school senior had that awkward in-between color in all of her photos. The picture is like BAM look-at-those-weird-glasses-on-that-he-she-it-whatever-it-doesn’t-matter-what-it-is-because-those-glasses-are-just-WOW.

So, help society out and spread the word: Transitions make you look like a tubby, hairy 8-year-old.

-CassMaster

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