BF Wanted – Accepting Applications

I want to start off with a disclaimer: I love all of my friends. Whether from high school, college, or post-grad life, I have so many amazing friends in my life and I am so thankful for each and everyone one of them. That being said:

Living with my boyfriend has shed some light on his interactions with his friends. He has two best friends, one that lives close by and one that lives about 2 hours away. The local BF and my boyfriend play games through their phones each day (like Words With Friends and Chess), text each other funny inside jokes periodically throughout the day, and stop by and have lunch with each other usually at least once a week. They also enjoy an occasional trip to the casino together without anyone else. The friend in NYC and E talk on the phone every now and then, but hang out any time they can fit in a visit and are constantly texting and emailing each other funny links, quotes, etc. After witnessing these interactions for a few months I realized E has TWO best friends and I have NONE. This must be fixed.

Even though I have lots of good friends, I am now on the search for a best friend. There are a few things I am looking for in my best friend.

1. Views life from a positive perspective. No one wants to be friends with a Debbie Downer. I want to find a best friend that can look at the bright side of things. Life is so much more enjoyable that way.

(My new best friend will love running along the beach enjoying life!! )

2. Inside jokes. I would like to build up lots of inside jokes with my new best friend. Then we can text and email each other funny things related to our private jokes. But don’t worry, we won’t be those friends that make other people feel left out from their inside jokes. That shit is just rude.

This could be me and my new best friend telling inside jokes while on a fun camping trip!!

3. Won’t judge me. At my age, I just want to be who I am and enjoy my friends for who they are. No judgement, just good times!

4. Likes getting ridiculous. For those of you that know me, I love joking around and acting a bit ridiculous. I will need a friend who can at least enjoy being with me while I am in my element. The first example that comes to mind is dressing up like in ‘gangster’ clothes (including a tie-dye tank top and a bandanna on my head) and dancing to Carmen Electra’s strip tease video for my friends in college. So random, but hilarious.

And perhaps the most important of all:

5. Looking for a best friend as well. All of my current friends are spread so thin. Yes they are friends with me, but they also have 5r737490 friends they have to keep in contact and hang out with. I am lucky if I can schedule one lunch date a month with my friends in New Haven. This is the key to the friendships my boyfriend has with his best friends and how they are able to remain so close.

This list is all well and good, but now I have to find someone who meets the criteria. Have you ever tried to make a friend of the same gender at a neutral location like the gym or bookstore? It is awkward and difficult. When I used to drag my butt to the gym before work, I would see the same 20 people each morning. There was one woman that I wanted to make my friend and decided to strike up some conversation. As someone who has to converse with strangers for a living, I didn’t think this task would be so hard… but it was. I would get anxious waiting for an opportunity to arise where I could talk to her. Then when I did say something, I just sounded awkward and nervous. I made the mistake of finally speaking to her while relaxing in the sauna. Based on her reaction, I think she thought I was hitting on her. Opps. Not everyone will experience this type of anxiety around making new friends, but I don’t think anyone will say it is effortless.

So, perhaps by writing this post I will strike some interest in a potential friend. Until then, I am going to keep looking for a best friend… and working on my conversational skills (preferably while I am clothed). When I find her, I will let you all know!!!

~ CoCo

Failed Resolutions

For those of you that are unaware – more than three feet of snow has fallen over most of the Northeast. The first crazy storm hit Connecticut on December 26th and has not offered even a week-long reprieve. So, with blizzard after blizzard the snow has been pushed up into bigger and bigger piles. The ridiculous amount of white stuff has put a snow removal strain on many cities and businesses. One business that has failed HORRIBLY at removing its snow is … THE GYM.

The timing of these storms is horrible for anyone trying to stick to their workout resolutions. Why, you ask? Well, the gym isn’t exactly the more desirable place to be (I would get a pedicure or massage or go shopping), so in addition to dragging yourself to work out, now you have to sludge through snow, ice, and salt piles. Let me describe what going to my gym has been like for the past month.

I leave work at 4:30 pm and hop in my car. Almost all two lane roads are now one, meaning the commute to the gym has almost doubled. After speeding through changing lights and navigating around city buses, I wheel into the gym parking lot. Massive piles of snow are found at the end of each row, so seeing around any corner is impossible. Now I must proceed with caution because I have no idea if I am about to plow into another vehicle trying to find a spot to park.

As all of the legit parking spots are taken. everyone with an SUV decides they will make their own spot. Awesome. Now the barely drivable roads are cluttered with trucks and 4-wheel drive vehicles. I continue driving around hoping to catch a fellow gym member leaving a prime parking spot. When I do, I throw on my blinker and wait. At this point I don’t care if I have to sit and watch the person walk down the row, unlock their car, and get in… because I have a spot! I sit. And sit. And sit. Finally I realize the person who just got in their car has decided to call someone and have the longest conversation OF ALL TIME before driving home. Flip!!! In the past I have been naive enough to try and wait it out, but that has proven to be a waste of time. So I go back at it and drive around, trying to find another spot.

Typically within 10 to 15 minutes I am able to find a spot on the back side of the enormous gym or parking lot. Now I have to trek across the mountains of snow and ice to get inside. After the snow has melted and re-frozen a few times there is a think, glassy layer of ice left all over the parking lot. This ice tends to be the worst part to navigate. I slip and slide all over the parking lot, teetering along with my bag of gym clothes, water bottle, i-pod, shoes, etc. Finally, I make it to the door! Triumphant! But, there are days when I do not find a parking spot and have to leave the gym sans workout.

So, now that you understand what gym goers are facing everyday, it is clear why so many resolutions are probably failing. I applaud anyone who has continued to travel to the gym in the sleet, snow, and rain! It takes a real commitment to keep battling the parking lot, let alone the actual workout!

Currently, I am ignoring the cold weather by dreaming of a potential trip to South Carolina in May. Yayy!

~ CoCo

A Hickey and a Pocket Pet

Although I have only been out of my teens for seven years, I feel much wiser than my high school counter-parts. Amongst all the stupid things tweens can do, I would like to shed some light on two idiotic things I am encouraging NO ONE partake in.

One: Give or receive a hickey. Don’t do it. Not only is it horribly tacky, but it can cause a stroke. Yes, that is right. A whore, I mean, a woman in New Zealand realized she had lost feeling in the left side of her body while watching tv. After consulting her doctor they discovered her stroke was caused by a hickey. While there are multiple things wrong with this scene, the main message is to keep your lips (and tongue) to yourself. Love bites are slutty and can paralyze body parts (and not in a good way). Not worth the risk. Don’t believe me? Read the article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41188500/ns/world_news-weird_news/?gt1=43001

Second: Pocket Pets are all the rage. Apparently high school students and other teenagers have been swept away by the sugar glider craze. A pocket pet is an extremely small marsupial that can fit even in a person’s pocket… hence the name. I cannot even begin to explain how wrong this phenomenon is. ‘Young adults’ are frequently not mature enough to take care of themselves , let alone care for another living, breathing creature.

While these little pets ARE adorable, I do not believe it is appropriate for them to be in school with teenagers. Taking care of an animal is a huge responsibility.

While I am on the subject of animals, I hope E and I will get a cat sometime in the next year or so, but until then… we are going to get a fish. I feel at 26 I am ready to care for an animal, even if it is a fish to start with. At the Guilford Fair this summer I won a fish, whom I named Mantooth Guilford Schmidt, but he unfortunately swam right out of his bowl during the night and passed away : (  After a few months of mourning, I am ready to bring a new fish into my life… hopefully this weekend will be when we buy a new scaled-friend!!!

I will keep you all posted! Now I am off to enjoy the rest of my snow day!

xoxo CoCo

Plastic Surgery, Rats, Detergent, and Gold

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you for recent gifts! Not only did the frigid temperatures help me catch a cold bad enough to keep me home 3 days last week, but the recent 24 inches of snow fallen provided me with a snow day. You may be wondering, what have I done with all the free time on my hands? Well Mother Nature, the answer is, watching A LOT of television. In appreciation of all your hard work (dumping 49 out of our 50 states with snow in the past week), I wanted to give you a heads up on all of the best shows of the season!

We will start with BridalPlasty on Sundays at 9 pm on E . Yes, it is an even trashier version of Black Swan, the show that aired many years ago claiming to help ‘ugly’ women become ‘beautiful’ swans with the help of plastic surgery. BridalPlasty follows the same idea, however, it is a competition for free surgeries with a grand prize of a dream, celebrity-style wedding. This show is so incredibly HORRIBLE in so many ways that it makes it intriguing. After watching a marathon (only featured on weekdays as my lovely sister pointed out in her last post), I have decided that Janessa is the worst woman in the entire world… ok, in the world of reality tv… this season. (Even in this picture she looks like a crazy, manipulative woman)

A&E has Monday nights covered. The season of Hoaders is just wrapping up, but this week’s episode featured a man that was hoarding RATS… more than 2,000 of them to be precise. This show is ridiculous, but actually does help those who are willing to receive therapy and cleaning assistance.

Although the Monday night 10 pm slot is shifting next week, I am anxiously waiting to see the first episode of Heavy on A&E. Each episode will feature two morbidly obese people fighting to loose weight over an extended period of time. I am an AVID Biggest Loser fan, so I obviously interested in this show as well. Plus, A&E does a great job keeping their reality shows about reality.

Tuesday nights are such a treat! Bravo (one of my favorite channels!) plays Millionaire Matchmaker at 9 pm. Originally based out of LA, Patty just wrapped up a season in NYC helping millionaires find true love. She screens candidates, plans a mixer, and then follows up with everyone after the big DATE. This show is fantastic. So many of the millionaires are nuts and super stuck in their own ways that Patty ends up kicking them out for doing something stupid. For example, a plus sized ‘millionairess’ decided to go on a date with a super-hot plumber whom she had nothing in common with (problem 1). During the date she offered to buy him a motorcycle and give him significant funding to start his own business (problem 2). And finally she told him she wanted to sleep with him and his response was he would prefer her to service him under the table immediately (problem 3). You can only imagine Patty’s response to this later! Ug, I just love the show.

On Wednesdays at 9 pm TLC offers an interesting show called My Strange Addiction. In each episode two different people are filmed while they begin to understand and overcome their addictions. In the most recent episode Tempestt finally tells her family about her addition to eating soap and dry laundry detergent. WHAT?!? These people are insane for eating this stuff. One woman had been eating Comet cleaner for 20+ years and had to have her entire top row of teeth removed. Another woman was addicted to sleeping with her blow dryer… while it was on! She had burn marks all over her arms and was currently going through a divorce because her husband could not handle her dangerous obsession. CRAZY.

Thursdays – The Jersey Shore. Enough Said.

Finally, for those of you that may end up at home on a Friday night (working all week tends to make me awfully tired on Fridays!!), Discovery offers a fantastic new series called Gold Rush. A bunch of guys from all over the country, facing bankruptcy and unemployment, decide to pool the little money they have and buy some land in Alaska and pan for gold. From injuries to family drama (they decided to move their families up to the middle of the wilderness of Alaska for the summer.. because that isn’t expensive or anything) make this show pretty awesome… and educational. Check it out!

I hope that my excessive tv watching for the past couple of days has helped educate a few people (including Mother Nature) on what new fantastic shows are out there. And of course, if you have any suggestions for a show I should be watching…. recommendations are welcome!!!

xoxo Coco

Marathon TV is my favorite kind of TV

I hate the weekend when I’m on break. Saturday and Sunday ruin my TV groove. Channels play marathons all-day, everyday Monday through Friday. If I can’t watch five to six episodes in a row, I’m not investing my time.

CSI, I Shouldn’t Be Alive, Ghost Whisperer, NCIS, Law and Order:SVU. I’ve watched at least one marathon of each over the past week and a half. My favorite marathon, though, was the Lock Up one on New Year’s Day. Yes, that’s right, I watched at least 7 episodes in a row of prisoners and they’re sad predicaments. I’ve come to a few conclusions as a result:

1. I could never survive in jail. NEVER. I just wouldn’t trade a honey bun (literally, a honey bun snack cake) for an enema made of shampoo and water delivered from a used water bottle. Literally. 

Though, if I landed myself in prison, I have a few tricks up my sleeve to make it appear as though I was not a lilly pulitzer-clad,  pearl earring-wearing, kate spade-loving sorority sister.

2. Tattoo your eyeballs and no one will mess with you. And I mean literally no one. Well, maybe not the prison guards, but the other inmates. Freaky colored whites-of-your-eyes get you a lot of street cred, mostly because it means you stuck an unhygenic needle into your eyeball.

These are the guys from the show that tattooed their eyes.

3. Go a jail that lets you adopt kittens. They’re super cute and give you a mental escape from the hell you’re in. Plus, if you have a reason to stay out of solitary confinement, you won’t be a bad inmate! Not that I would be, but sometimes you just cant help but expose yourself to the lady guards.

4. Get sent to prison in Europe. I watched an episode of Lock Up: Abroad. The jails over there are awesome! Some of them have olympic size pools or peacocks roaming the ground. One that I saw even let you leave for the weekend! That’d be so sweet. Its like having a job, except you don’t actually have to do anything productive and you don’t make any money.  But you can go home and do whatever you please on the weekend (expect watch marathons, obviously).

5. Do something REALLY bad. I mean, if you’re going to jail for something, it might as well be something with a good story. I’ve seen so many prisoners who embezzled like $2,000 dollars or stole their ex-wife’s credit card and got something like 15 or 20 years. And then there’s the people who kill their entire familys and get 20 years. What is up with that, justice system? So, if I’m going to jail, I’m going for something big, like blowing up a car or poisoning a bunch of people. (not that I would do that )

I’m sure I’ve gained more knowledge than that, but I think I’d need another marathon to refresh.

I will never again travel with old people. not even one.

On Sunday, we drove from the San Antonio airport hotel we stayed in to our timeshare condo. Naturally, my mom missed the turn from a major road onto a back road that would bring us the Wild Oak Ranch. Thankfully, we were able to correct the mistake easily (sometimes the GPS just can’t “recalculate” after one of Mom’s direction fumbles) and drive through a parking lot to get to the right road. As we turned, Mom said “Oh! There’s nobody on this road!” And there weren’t, but my sister and I could tell that too, seeing as we have functioning eyes. This may not seem annoying (yet), but allow me to continue.

 Yesterday, we missed that same turn. The only difference this time was my Aunt Shirley, who’s nearing 70, chirping incorrect directions at Mom. We drove the same parking lot. And Mom said, no joke – word for word, “Oh! There’s nobody on this road!” When my sister and I erupted in laughter, she just couldn’t understand why.

This is when the story gets really good. Corey called Mom old, mind you in a nice way. Something about how old people repeat themselves or along those lines. And Mom comes out with this little speech, “You know, its OK when I call myself old, but I don’t think its OK for you to say it.” Pause. “Just saying.”

Oh Mom, you are old. I hate to break it to her, but everything she does is old. She takes bus trips (she was, in fact, the inspiration for Corey’s post about bus trips). She wears shoes that velcro (but NOT Shape-Ups, I would never let her wear those, though Aunt Shirley does indeed own and wear these abominations). She reads menus and road signs aloud. She is SERIOUSLY confused by one-way roads. She asks Captain Obvious questions. For example, I fell on some very slippery stairs today. In my defense these Texans don’t have any anti-skid/slip strips on their cement stiars because it never rains. Except for when we’re here on vacation. So, I fell, caught myself, and stood up. Mom looked right at me, after watching everything happen, and goes, “What happened?” Um, what happened? You know exactly what happened! And thats what I said, followed by “Corey actually pushed me.” Mom didn’t think that was very funny, but it was.

Today, my sister and I walked all around downtown. There are a bunch of tourist attractions throughout the area and we trapsed over many many blocks. We ate lunch a 40-minute walk from where Mom and Aunt Shirley were, and asked them to pick up us there so we could get to the movies in time (We saw the Black Swan… its fucked up).

Corey talked to Mom on the phone when they were coming to get us. The conversation when a little like this:

Corey: So, you need to get to Flores and we can meet you on the road.

Mom: I don’t see that on the map.

Corey: Do you see the Market?

Mom: No.

Corey: Do you see Commerce Street?

Mom: No.

Corey: What do you see?

Abridged here.

Corey: So you see Houston Street?

Mom: Yea, we’ll meet you there.

Corey: No, but do you see Flores off of Houston?

Mom: Yes. But that’s another road, we don’t want to drive down another road. Are you at Houston yet?

Are you at Houston yet?? We were over a half hour away! It was just so funny. I literally walked down the street after Corey hung the phone up, laughing out loud. Then I would stop. And then start laughing again. It was just so funny.

There are SO many more stories I could share. And I will. Tomorrow.

Everything is bigger in Texas

We made it to San Antonio, Texas!!! Thankfully we flew out on Saturday and avoided the full on blizzard hitting Connecticut. Although it isn’t super hot here right now, it is much more enjoyable than two feet of snow and 60 mph winds. I guess I didn’t realize how long it had been since I travelled with my mom. I love her to death, but she is so navigationally challenged it scares me.

We haven’t seen much of Texas so far, but there are a few things I enjoy already:

1. They have Chipotle. Yayyyyy. Connecticut really needs to embrace the Chipotle chain.

2. Movie theaters that serve beer and food IN the theater. We saw The Fighter this afternoon and we had a waitress!!! Eating popcorn out of a metal bowl is WAAAAY more enjoyable than a paper bag. Plus, who doesn’t want to drink while watching a movie? Although that is probably the reason there was a 5 minute speech before the movie about being quite.

3. The highways look pretty. I am planning on a taking a picture of the pink and white highway system and sending it to whoever is in charge of the New Haven I-95 build in Connecticut. A colorful interstate would be much easier on the eyes.

4. Everyone is apologetic. We tried going to the mall today and were stopped multiple times by people hopping in and out of their cars. Unlike in the Northeast, EVERYONE apologized for holding up traffic. It made me not mind the wait…. as much.

5. Groceries are CHEAP. We went to a grocery store to pick up some essentials (aka fat free creamer for the pot of coffee I plan on having tomorrow morning while enjoying the crisp Texas morning) and discovered a lot of cheaper treats. Eddy’s ice cream was $3.50 a half gallon. AMAZING. Also, there was an entire 10 foot section of the bread aisle dedicated to tortillas. I am eagerly waiting a delicious Mexican meal… perhaps tomorrow!

That’s all for now! Hope everyone is staying safe and warm, especially our readers in the northeast.

~ Coco